Painful Reminders
by Towa-no-Yami
Summary: An embarrassing incident for Cousland one night at camp leads to a little heart-to-heart between her and Alistair.


_**Summary:**__ An embarrassing incident for Cousland one night at camp leads to a little heart-to-heart between her and Alistair._

_**A/N:**__ I have been meaning to write a Dragon Age: Origins fanfic for soooo long and I finally got around to it. This is just a random thought that came into my head while I was driving around before (well, I wasn't personally driving) and I rather liked it, so I decided it was high time I got my bum into gear and wrote something for my absolute favourite game ever AND my absolute favourite pairing ever. So, I hope you enjoy it._

_**Warnings:**__ Erm, none really. I'll just say that it is a Cousland/Alistair story._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Dragon Age: Origins or any of its characters (just my Lilith Cousland) and receive no profit from this story._

It was a calm and surprisingly balmy night when the Grey Wardens and their companions set up camp. Summer was slowly creeping up on the weary travellers, offering respite from the bone-chilling cold, but also the prospect of longer days, which could only mean more time walking every day. Months had passed since the first onset of the Blight, but uniting a country and building an army was never going to be quick work. Nevertheless, the group who were tackling this monumental task were beginning to feel the strain, none more so than their fearless leader, Lady Lilith Cousland.

All eight, including a rare appearance from Morrigan, were now gathered around the centre of the camp where the massive fire stood, a pot of freshly-made rabbit stew, courtesy of the Grey Warden's faithful hound, Midget, still boiling in the centre. All present were quiet as they savoured their first real meal of the day, which had consisted of a gruelling trek from Orzammar, down the steep, frozen slopes of the Frostback Mountains, which was only made more difficult by Oghren's evident lack of experience in such matters and his small stature, which Zevran was quick to bring up whenever the dwarf started to lag behind.

There was an evident air of despondency surrounding the makeshift camp and even Leliana's usual cheer had diminished somewhat over the course of the day.

One bowl finished, Alistair was about to help himself to another serving, when he suddenly felt an extra weight against his arm. Looking to his left, he was greeted with the sight of his fellow Warden's fair-haired head resting heavily against him, the fact of her chin somewhat lolling towards her chest indicating that she was fast asleep in mere seconds. The past few days had been especially exhausting for the young woman as she tried to keep her companions in good health and high spirits by taking on more responsibilities. However, the continued nights of keeping watch seemed to have finally taken their toll and, uncomfortable and hungry as he was, Alistair was loathe to wake her in order that he might move. Noticing his current predicament, Leliana chuckled softly to herself before proffering a fresh bowl of soup to the templar, who was evidently stuck in place until his services as a pillow were no longer needed.

xXx

An hour had passed in silence since the rest of the party had retreated to their tents, leaving just Alistair, Midget, who also seemed to be settling in for the night, and a sleeping Lilith around the now dwindling fire.

Lilith's sudden movement shocked Alistair out of his dazed reverie and he turned to watch her. Her face was contorted and pained as she slept, her hands twitching as if reaching for something and her whole demeanour seemed to suggest that her unconscious was forcing her to submit to something entirely unpleasant. With a soft gasp, her clear blue eyes, accentuated perfectly by those white eyelashes, suddenly shot open and scanned the area ahead of her as if expectant of some imminent danger. However, the look of concern soon turned to one of confusion as the realisation dawned on her that she had been sleeping outside, instead of in her tent as she always did. That realisation was quickly followed by another, as she noticed her head was still resting on something beside her, something that now shook lightly as she heard a soft chuckle emanating from a source next to her. Still half asleep, she slowly turned her head towards the source of the sound and suddenly jerked away, blushing furiously as she deduced that she had been sleeping on Alistair's shoulder for Maker knows how long.

"Nice sleep?" He asked in that teasing tone that he always used when trying to make her blush even more, which it succeeded in doing. Observing this his smile widened, especially as he noticed how beautifully the deep hue creeping up her neck contrasted with her pale skin.

She murmured a 'Sorry' under her breath, still feeling completely mortified for falling asleep like that, in front of everyone.

"It's no problem," he said, smilingly, in a way that instantly made her feel better, "Who could ask for a higher honour than acting as a pillow to fair Lady Cousland?" he added with mock humility.

"I should think that no one could. However, it is hardly a position fit for a prince." She replied, rivalling his tone.

Since he had disclosed the details of his parentage, it had been an ongoing joke between the two and to have someone that wasn't afraid to speak the name 'Cousland' around her had greatly helped Lilith to get over some of the trauma of losing her home and family. She now found that she could even say it herself without it bringing back any memories of that dreadful night, though she knew she could never truly get rid of her anger until she had achieved vengeance for all of those lives lost under her watch.

She tried in vain to stifle a yawn as she felt fatigue once again creeping up on her and decided to retreat to her tent before she fell asleep in the open air again and caught her death of cold. She stood slowly and somewhat painfully, resting her hand on Alistair's arm as she turned in an attempt to keep her faltering balance.

"Good night, Alistair," she said softly, slowly heading for her surprisingly welcoming tent.

"Sweet dreams, Lil," he said, remembering her apparently distressing dreams from before, while stifling a yawn himself.

Lilith stopped dead in her tracks at hearing this, her ivory-coloured hair and skin reflecting the soft moonlight like the surface of a still lake. Noticing her sudden lack of movement, Alistair turned to face her and enquired as to whether she was alright.

"I'm… I'm fine," she said, her voice breaking slightly. Though she didn't completely turn to face him as she spoke, the senior of the two Wardens was certain he noticed a faint glimpse of wetness around her eyes.

She quickly turned back towards her tent and gave a quick call to her Mabari to follow before diving into its secure confines.

xXx

The small sniffles that had been coming from his fellow Warden's tent for the past ten minutes were seriously starting to concern the fair-haired young man, who had now been given the task of watch for the night by default. After another minute had passed, he decided that he couldn't simply sit and do nothing while his friend was in obvious distress and all of his agonising over what he had done wrong had, so far, been to no avail. After bolstering his courage, he stood and started towards the entrance to her tent, softly calling out her name as he got near.

The only answer he got was a small 'hmm' of acknowledgment, but he took this as permission to poke his head through the tent flaps in order to talk to her properly. When he did so, he saw that she was sitting with her knees tucked into her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around Midget's strong neck, while the fearsome Mabari whined pitifully for his master's distress. Seeing her like that, he was reminded of just how young she was, barely an adult by anyone's standards, and of how much she had gone through and he began to appreciate how hard it must be for her to be their strong, dependable leader twenty-four hours of the day.

He tentatively started to crawl into the tent, very aware that she might simply rather be left alone. However, before he could seat himself opposite her, she had lunged her lithe body towards his much larger one, seizing him in much the same manner she had her faithful hound and burying her face in his chest to truly sob. He was thoroughly shocked by the action, however, he had come to her in order to offer some sort of comfort and he knew that this was what she needed right now. With that in mind, he returned her embrace, stroking her smooth hair and whispering soothing nothings, much as one would to calm a child. Despite noting that she would probably not appreciate being compared to a child, Alistair was pleased when this approach seemed to be working and her crying became much quieter.

Eventually, she let go of the desperate hold she had of him in order to wipe some of the wetness from her face, however, the act was fruitless as she was still weeping gently, despite being much more calm than before.

For the second time that night she felt she had to apologise for her behaviour and for the second time her apology was waved off with a smile, though this smile was much more concerned than teasing.

"I'm the one that should be apologising for upsetting you," her fellow Warden said gently, though still not knowing what had brought on this bought of tears, "What, exactly, did upset you?" He asked tentatively, though he instantly regretted how blunt the question sounded when she turned her gaze away from him quickly.

After what felt like an age of silence, she started speaking softly, in a very hushed and somewhat subdued voice. "When… when you called me 'Lil' before," she started, not really knowing how to explain, "Well, it's just that, that's what Fergus always called me," she explained, stumbling over her words slightly.

"Maker's Breath! Lilith, I'm so sorry. I should've-", he started, but was cut off by her emphatically shaking her head.

"No, don't apologise. It's not your fault, there's no way you could have known." She stated, sounding much less restrained than before.

"But still-", he tried again, but she would accept no arguments.

"No, no buts," she said without hesitating, a smile small finally creeping it's way onto her lips, though tears continued to fall as she spoke, "In fact," she continued, "It's… kind of nice to hear it again, anyway."

At this, the blonde man couldn't help but smile. Lilith looked at him thoughtfully for a long moment before saying, in a wistful and far off tone, "You remind me so much of him."

"He can't have been much a brother then," he replied, reverting back to humour to release his slight discomfort, though he immediately worried that she might take it the wrong way.

However, knowing full well what he meant, the junior of the Wardens simply smiled and replied, "Nope. He was the best."

Without thinking, Alistair raised his hand to wipe away the tears, which had finally stopped falling, from her face with his thumb, noting that the skin of her cheeks really was as soft as it appears. The way that she sighed his name at this unexpectedly tender act snapped him back to reality, worried that he had overstepped some unspoken boundary between the two. However, when he looked into her face, he saw that her strikingly beautiful eyes were soft and that a smile unlike any of the others he had seen played on her lips. She reached forward to hug him once more, whispering a quiet 'thank you' into the folds of his shirt as he again returned the gentle embrace, before sitting back on her bedroll.

"You'd best get back on watch," she said, a hint of a cheeky smile playing on her lips, "The camp's probably been sacked while you've been sitting in here neglecting your duties." She said with a laugh.

He joined in her laugh, stating, "Well, that does sound like the kind of thing that would happen whenever I'm left in charge."

There was a moment of quiet before either spoke again.

"Good night, Alistair," she said again, in a soft voice.

"Sweet dreams, Lil," he repeated and was happy to see her smile in reaction to the comment before he crept back out into camp.

_**A/N:**__ So, I hope you enjoyed my first DA:O fanfic! I hate writing dialogue because I'm really bad at it, so please, if you have any advice, leave me a review. Thanks so much for reading and please leave a review no matter what you thought of it. I'm always open to constructive criticism._


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